Last week I was asked by a friend to speak to a group of Tongan young women preparing for a pageant. I was taken back wondering why me? I asked her, "are you sure". I guess they had someone else in mind to speak to these young women, but thought it wold be better to have someone from the tongan community who is tongan speak to them. I'm blown away by the idea, but indeed grateful that they would even consider me.
I was asked to speak about health & fitness and do a Zumba demo. Yeah, my thoughts exactly. What the ? I am nervous and hope that I can relay a positive and effective message to these young women. I am in no way an expert and all that I can do is relate personal experiences with this weight loss journey.
I think it's difficult being a tongan woman and trying to find that 'ideal body'. We are stuck in between. I like to think of it as a bi-racial child. For example, someone mixed--say palangi/afro american. They don't seem to fit in their palangi side because they are not fully white. Then they don't fit in with their uli uli (afro american) side because they are too white. Now, I know not all are like that, but I feel that's what it's like being a tongan woman & finding that 'ideal body'.
As my parents would describe it, the 'ideal tongan body' is someone with meat on their body, thick legs, etc. Not overweight, but not skinny. Then growing up here in the U.S. (and probably elsewhere), there's the body image that skinny is better.
When I was younger, I was borderline. Never really had anyone say anything about my body structure. Then of course, I got married, had kids and tacked on 80-90 (maybe more) pounds. The remarks started coming in, "Sinai, you've put on so much weight"..."you need to lose weight or your husband is going to leave you"..."you are fat"...etc. But you know, I was kind of in denial. Didn't see it that way. Then I got a reality check when I started traveling and flying. Felt like I was invading my neighbors space on the plane.
Then two years ago, finally decided to do something. Started by changing the way I ate. Then about a year and a half ago decided to add exercise. And now to date, have lost 80 pounds. Great you might say? Well, not quite...'cause guess what? Now I hear, "you are too skinny"..."she looks sick"..."how much weight are you trying to lose?"...granted there are the positive remarks too, but you know, the negative ones seem to stick more.
This is something I was not mentally prepared for. I just figure, you know once I lose some weight, life will be good. Now don't get me wrong, it's good in many ways, but I never anticipated the negative remarks. It's getting better by the day -- I just keep reminding myself that regardless of what the 'ideal body' is, one thing I know for sure -- regardless of how I look on the outside, I feel great physically and feel great on the inside.
If you have any ideas of things to share with these young women, please post your thoughts!!!!
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6 comments:
I LOVED THIS POST!.. Glad you have the opportunity to speak to young tongan women about this issue. And I totally agree with you on the your analogy. Crys and I would always crack jokes about how growing up we were told that being "thick" was good ( tongan good) but not fat.. but we were always considered "fat" because my mom was smaller than both of us at our age... now that we're older and we look back we're like... "Great! now that we're fat we look back and realize we were never fat growing up"... In my opinion we should encourage the younger girls that being "active".. and "Fit" isnt always about being a size 10.. your body will look and feel different when you're active.. some may need to take it slow but eventually you'll see that even a lil exercise will go a long way... I think you'd be great to speak to these girls... from experience of being a tongan woman who was able to become more active and healthier.. and what others think or say isnt what matters most... its how YOU see your life! Good luck Sinai!
I think what you shared with us bloggers is what you should tell these young women..and to eat RIGHT, right now while they're young, because when they have kids, some, if not most will gain weight and their metabolism will be slower. So it's best to learn how to eat healthy while young..or atleast portion control. :) I don't know why you're surprised that they asked you to speak. You are an influential person!!
I'm in our Young Woman presidency and just taught a lesson about caring for our physical bodies. I was surprised at some of the things I found while studying that lesson. It talked about the Word of Wisdom and stuff like that. If you want you could look it up on the church website, it's lesson manual 1, lesson #37. Good luck you're the perfect person to talk to woman young and old.
I love this post also. I think they picked the right person to speak to these young Tongan women about weight issues. I've been in denial for so long also and am trying to be more educated in what I'm feeding my family & my self. I too discovered much as I was preparing lesson #37 for my beehives and am glad to say that I'm applying that to my daily goals in bettering myself and my family. Thanks for sharing this touching post, Sinai:) I know you're going to be great!
Sis ur inspirational!! Love u and know u will be great!!! just wish I could make it!! BOOOO to WORK!!! =( LOVE YA!!!All that matters is what u think!!!
OMG sis your are PERFECT what ever makes you HAPPY is all that matters screw everything else..sorry to put it that way but the saying "You can't please everybody" is so true..i know naturally we do at times hear things & they do stick but when it comes down to it PLEASE..its about YOU and what YOU want!! You are truely PERFECT in my eyes with EVERYTHING..thank you for being such a great example of a GREAT DAUGHTER, MOTHER, SISTER and as a WOMEN period!! They picked the PERFECT person to have speak to young tongan women woo hoo..can i attend please!!
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