Last night I cancelled our membership at the rec center. Why? Because someone told me I had to. It was fine with me because I recently got a membership at Gold's Gym. Anyhow, when I cancelled our membership, it asked for our sign up date. With the cashier's help, I found out that we signed up May of 2008. Crazy to think that I've had a gym membership that long and actively used it.
Thinking back to when I started the whole weight loss journey, I wondered why going to the gym was different now then years prior. It dawned on me that it had to do with my kids. My kids were 'too young' for me to leave home alone so that I can work out. Well, that was my excuse. Now that my kids were all older and the youngest being 6 years old, I could take them along with me.
It also made me wonder about all the other mom's out there who have done the same. The more I thought about it, the more I realize that many of us mother's make our spouse, children, work, and others things priority over ourselves. It wasn't until I finally took time out to workout and do something for myself that I found a different kind of joy.
I strongly believe that every individual should take time our for themselves -- whether it be a hobby, working out, meditation or whatever it may be, it is crucial.
Today a friend of mine at work shared the following article which coincides with what I just wrote. It's an interesting article and many of the things said are true...in my case it is.
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SALT LAKE CITY — Exhaustion. Irritability. Sleep deprivation. Headaches. If you are a busy mother like me, these may sound like descriptors for daily life, but could they be indicators of something more? These are a few of the symptoms of a common, but rarely discussed condition known as caregiver fatigue or burnout.
What is caregiver fatigue?
WebMD defines caregiver fatigue as, "A state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. Burnout can occur when caregivers don't get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able. Caregivers are often so busy caring for others that they tend to neglect their own emotional, physical and spiritual health. The demands on a caregiver's body, mind and emotions can easily seem overwhelming, leading to fatigue and hopelessness — and, ultimately, burnout."
- Withdrawal from friends, family, and other loved ones
- Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
- Feeling blue, irritable, hopeless, and helpless
- Changes in appetite, weight, or both
- Changes in sleep patterns
- Getting sick more often
- Feelings of wanting to hurt yourself or the person for whom you are caring
- Emotional and physical exhaustion
- Irritability
Caregiver fatigue is normally recognized in those caring for an elderly or sick family member, but it should also be applied to mothers, especially stay-at-home moms who are the very definition of a caregiver. When a child is born a lifetime of giving begins. Motherhood is a 24/365 job. The responsibilities and tasks are relentless and extremely repetitive. Women honorably put our families first, even above our own needs at times, but at what cost?
Some of the other, more severe symptoms of caregiver fatigue are: withdrawal from family and friends; loss of interest in things previously enjoyed; depression; changes in appetite or weight or both; changes in sleep pattern; getting sick more often and emotional exhaustion. At one time or another every mother has felt the effects of caregiver fatigue whether she recognized it or not.
Personally, there are some mornings I dread the day and the repetitive, menial tasks that will fill the hours like changing diapers, breaking up fights, doing the dishes and watching "Power Rangers" for the millionth time. On these days I loose patience almost instantly, yell more often, get headaches and generally feel disillusioned with my life. I used to think these days were an indication of my own failings as a mother, my own weaknesses, but thankfully that is not the case. It is caregiver fatigue. My giving well is dry and in desperate need of replenishment. So what can mothers do to prevent or lessen this fatigue and burnout?
Combating the condition
In an article on betweenmoms.com, author Susie Michelle Cortright writes, "Among our most critical responsibilities as mothers is the responsibility to self — the responsibility to recharge our resources so that we feel balanced, energized and able to thrive under life's demands."
To truly combat caregiver fatigue there are things mothers must do on a daily basis:
- Take time for yourself
Each day carve out some quiet time alone, even if it is only a few minutes. Use this time to exercise, take a nap or do those things you love. Don't forget who you are and what you love just because you have children. We can't be good mothers if we aren't first complete women, true to ourselves. Avoid empty pursuits like shopping. Find activities that are uplifting and regenerative in nature.
- Exercise and eat right
All sources agree that in order to combat caregiver fatigue mothers must exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet. A healthy, strong body can better brush off exhaustion and fatigue. Also when the physical body is healthy it is easier to maintain mental health. Exercise at least three times a week; 20-30 minutes each session is sufficient. Be active with your children every day. Eat a balanced diet like that outlined at mypyramid.gov including whole grains, lots of fruits and vegetables and lean meat. This behavior also sets a good example for your children.
- Let others help you
Do not feel guilty about getting away from your children and home. Let people, whether it is your spouse, a family member or friend, take your children for a couple hours each week. Build a support system. It takes a village to raise a child — and help a mother keep her sanity. Engage your spouse in your need for daily time to yourself. Work together to give one another time away from the chaos. Also ask your spouse, not demand or order, for help with housework. If you have the means, employ a maid or neighborhood teenager to do certain tasks. All these practices will relieve some of the pressure on you.
- Know your limits
There is no such thing as a "perfect mother.” Ignore the pressure out there to do everything: cut back, say no, let go. The less stress we take on the better we can handle the stress we can't prevent. Organize yourself and your household. Keep schedules that are good for children and lifesavers for parents.
Most importantly, if you find yourself at the bottom of a hole with severe symptoms that you alone cannot conquer have the courage to seek out professional help. Talk to your own doctor or find a trustworthy family counselor or therapist. Remember that your health and happiness are critical to your family.
Caregiver fatigue is a real condition that affects mothers. When we are aware of the triggers and symptoms we are better equipped to prevent it. Implement strategies in your life that keep you balanced and refreshed. Do not let your well of giving run dry. You and your family will be better for it.
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